About Uncle Gary

Uncle Gary has been saying for years that aliens are taking the cows. This information has ruined countless Thanksgivings. Then in February 2026, a former President said aliens are real. Five days later, the President said he would release government files on aliens and UFOs. Then in July, the USDA reported there are 200,000 fewer beef cows than last year. That’s the lowest level in 75 years. Uncle Gary didn’t need more concrete proof, obviously, but the new information has increased the volume of our family dinners. A lot.

I’ve been listening to Uncle Gary’s theories my whole life. I know how it sounds. I also know what 200,000 fewer cows looks like on paper. So we put up the posters, started taking sightings, and figured we’d see where this goes. Uncle Gary says they took the cows. At this point, I’m willing to hear him out.